The Broken Path

I took a lot of time studying religions before I devoted myself to the Broken Path- None of the usual places to find Spiritual fulfillment resonated with me and so I researched, perhaps, I figured, "I am just not doing it right". I consumed all I could regarding faith, and religion. It is not a surprise that this, then naturally progressed to learning about the older faiths, and spiritualities. I quickly noted that to me they seemed like the warm, and comforting hearth fire (or a warm blanket fresh from the dryer). Here, among old gods and tales of their faults and virtues, I might rest my soul and connect with my ancestors. 

That was more than a decade ago however, and I think anyone who starts off solo feels the same compulsion from time to time. Living breathing kinship- a teacher, a matron, a patron, structure. I sought those people out, looking for community, and a teacher. I was young, and as many young people do- I rejected most hyper ridged structure or demands, I was also painfully introverted, but all that was overridden by my desire for guidance and learning. 

I learned the people in my area weren't always the easiest to talk to. The ones who were "out of the broom closet" (publicly pagan), more often than not, were less then friendly, or downright abusive. It seems to me that when we wounded and wanting children of Gaia align ourselves with covens, clans, and kindreds, our bloods memory of being persecuted for who we are mix like grease and fire with that old tribalism mentality, "us vs them". It felt like a dangers and uncertain time, and though maybe I was most sensitive to somethings then I should have been- it burned my desire to join community to the ground. That isn't to say ALL family or friend groups are like this, and for the ones who made me nervous or uneasy, plenty did prove to be great one on one friends.

In this time of navigating the waters of group living, and their social structure, I learned a great deal of pagany goodness from them, and when it was good- it was a blast! The good did not prove to be enough however, and I returned to my introverted, hermit like ways. Finally we come to the point I suppose, the solo path of learning- I began to notice that even though I was deeply intrigued and my desire to learn was vivacious- I wasn't seeing the progress, or the outcomes I expected, or that I was even promised in books, and by former teachers. What was I doing wrong?

I looked back to the dominates faiths on the planet now, ones I'd been involved in and studied years before. They have their problems, obviously, but they are also power houses with millions devoted to their faiths- Many of whom do seem deeply satisfied with how their God seems to impact their life. What was different between them and my path? To me it seemed to be the regiment of their study and faith practice. This aspect, among other key atrocities; is what has driven so many away, sure, but the fact remains.

I wasn't about to stand for feeling as though I am at a precipice and yet unable to take the next step. I had to pursue an expansion of myself and my path. So, I have began playing with their methods, and apply them instead to my pagan study. I will begin to track my progress, and tweak things that work, and do not work for me and my kin. It is time for us to take back what was ours before. Pagan faith can have structure that does not suffocate and stifle our souls. It can have leadership which does not abuse or undermine us. Persons growth and freedom are what we as sentient beings are entitled too, and it should not require cult like devotion to achieve happiness and fulfillment. I am certain of this.